Signs
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OPTOMETRIST'S OFFICE: If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've
come to the right place.
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SCIENTIST'S DOOR: Gone Fission
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TAXIDERMIST WINDOW: We really know our stuff
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PODIATRIST'S WINDOW: Time wounds all heels
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BUTCHER'S WINDOW: Let me meat your needs
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SIGN ON FENCE: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is
expensive"
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CAR DEALERSHIP: The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car
payment
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MUFFLER SHOP: No appointment necessary. We'll hear you
coming.
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ELECTRICIAN'S TRUCK: Let us remove your shorts
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RADIATOR REPAIR SHOP: Best Place in town to take a
leak
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MATERNITY CLOTHES SHOP: We are open on Labor Day
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NON-SMOKING AREA: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on
fire
and take appropriate action
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ON MATERNITY ROOM DOOR: "Push,Push,Push"
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ON A FRONT DOOR: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except
the dog.
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USED CAR LOT: Second Hand cars in first crash
condition
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HOTEL: "Help!" We need inn-experienced people
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DRY CLEANERS: Drop your pants here
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AN OFFICE: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just
left.
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VETERINARIANS WAITING ROOM: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit!
Stay!
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MUSIC TEACHER'S DOOR: "Out Chopin"
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AT THE ELCTRIC COMPANY: "We would be delighted if you send in your
bill.
However, if you don't, you will be."
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BEAUTY SHOP: Dye now!
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GARBAGE TRUCK: We've got what it takes to take what you've
got
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COMPUTER STORE: "Out for a quick byte"
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RESTAURANT WINDOW: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get
fed
up.
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BOWLING ALLEY: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin
drop.
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CAFETERIA: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can
eat any
place they want.
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MUSIC LIBRARY: Bach in a minuet
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FUNERAL HOME: Drive carefully, we'll wait.
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PRIVATE POOL: Welcome to our ool. Notice there is no P in it,
please keep
it that way.
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LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your
clothes
when the light goes out.
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LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs
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AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday
please bring
it back or further steps will be taken.
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ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break staff should empty the teapot
and stand
upside down on the draining board.
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A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this
door. (This
door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side
entrance)
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OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles,
washing machines
etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
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QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be
drowned.
By order of the District Council.
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NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments
here for
more than 30 days will be disposed of.
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HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.
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SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
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SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn't
know
it, there is a day care on the first floor.
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NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for
free,
but the bull charges.
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MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell
you how
to get lessons.
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ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on
the
door - the bell doesn't work)