Final Exams
One year there
were these two guys at Duke who were
taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all
of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going
into the
final they had a solid A.
These two friends were so confident going into the final that the
weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on
Monday),
they decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up
there.
So they did this and had a great time. However, with their
hangovers and
everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back
to
Duke until early monday morning. Rather than taking the final
then, what
they did was to find the Professor (*) after the final and explain to
him
why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVa
for
the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but
that
they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and
couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to
campus. The Professor thought this over and then agreed that they could
make up
the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and
relieved.
So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time
that
the Professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed
each of
them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the
first
problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions
and was
worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy."
They
did that problem and then turned the page. They were unprepared,
however, for what they saw on the next page. It said:
(95 points) Which tire?
--------------------------
(*) Professor James F. Bonk (see the second page of
http://www.dukemagazine.duke.edu/dukemag/issues/070801/bonk.html )
The setting is
a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a
Calculus
final.
Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well
liked.
He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class
and
yell out how much time was remaining before the end of a test, a
real
charmer. Since he was so busy gallivanting around the room making
sure
that nobody cheated and that everyone was aware of how much time
they
had left before their failure on the test was complete, he had the
students stack the completed tests on the huge podium at the front
of
the room. This made for quite a mess, remember there were 1000
students in the class.
Anyway, during this particular final, one guy entered the test
needing a decent grade to pass the class. His only problem with
Calculus was that he did poorly when rushed, and this guy standing
in
the front of the room barking out how much time was left before
the
tests had to be handed in didn't help him at all. He figured he
wanted to assure himself of a good grade, so he hardly flinched
when
the professor said, "pencils down and submit your scantron sheets
and
work to piles at the front of the room."
Five minutes turned into ten, ten into twenty, twenty into
forty
... almost an hour after the test was "officially over", our
friend
finally put down his pencil, gathered up his work, and headed to
the
front of the hall to submit his final. The whole time, the
professor
sat at the front of the room, strangely waiting for the student to
complete his exam.
"What do you think you're doing?" the professor asked as the
student stood in front of him about to put down his exam on one of
the
neatly stacked piles of exams (the professor had plenty of time to
stack the mountain of papers while he waited) It was clear that the
professor had waited only to give the student a hard time.
"Turning in my exam," retorted the student confidently. "I'm
afraid
I have some bad news for you," the professor gloated, "your exam
is an
hour late. You've FAILED it and, consequently, I'll see you next
term
when you repeat my course."
The student smiled slyly and asked the professor, "Do you know
who
I am?"
"What?" replied the professor gruffly, annoyed that the student
showed no sign of emotion.
The student rephrased the question mockingly, "Do you know what
my
name is?"
"NO," snarled the professor.
The student looked the professor dead in the eyes and said
slowly,
"I didn't think so," as he lifted up one of the stacks half way,
shoved his test neatly into the center of the stack, let the stack
fall burying his test in the middle, turned around, and walked
casually out of the huge lecture hall.
--------------------------
See the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CqgnZhb--Q&fmt=18